As we round the bend, the passengers on the north side of the train can take in the views of … one of the best episodes of the season. Yas! I love this one. Things are about to get REAL. But first, they get FUN! Yay! We’re on a train. I mean how fun is that? Here is a great opportunity to see the team paired off in unique ways again. Our tough guys play to their strengths, while the kids take on new and exciting challenges… like getting shot… but lets not get ahead of ourselves. This episode has everything: villainous machinations, strangers on a train, undercover identities, a robot leg, STAN LEE. OMG Stan Lee is in this? Where? Okay I’ll tell you, just hold on.
*footnotes are spoilers for future episodes*
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Ian Quinn recently made a $10million purchase from Cybertec inc; they are a small firm that deals in advanced technology. Quinn hired a private security outfit to transport the package on a train through the Italian countryside. Verona to Zagreb. Coulson urged Italian authorities to hand over the investigation to SHIELD. The mission is to track the package to its destination, which we expect to be Quinn, himself. If they are lucky, Quinn’s people won’t even know they are on the train… … … They’re going in undercover! Yas! May ‘hates’ undercover (I LOVE May undercover). Oceans 11 baby. What are our roles?
May and Ward are front and center to track the package down. May is undercover as a silent rich fur-clad woman. Ward is … a man who is with her.
Fitz and Skye are handling communications. Oooh new pairing. They’re playing a fresh young couple on vacation
Simmons and Coulson’s role is not outlined, but they’re playing father and daughter. Matching glasses. Cute.
Ward expresses to May that Coulson has been acting different and that “Whatever he said to Skye has made her more focused.” So, Skye hasn’t shared her backstory with anyone… interesting. May is like ‘oh btw I told Coulson about us.’ Ward is like ‘da fu?’
FitSkye works out how to make their accents match. Skye does terrible Scottish. I love Fitz as this deep-voiced American boyfriend. Skye steals keys off of a ticket taker even though Fitz has gadgets that can unlock doors. “I’m always the gadget guy. Maybe sometimes I want to do things with my bare hands.”
Simmons is getting into character. Amazing. Glorious. Past events have shown that she’s not good at improvisation. However, she EXCELS at preparation. Then she turns. It. On. Her character is yelling at Coulson for being an absentee father “what with your banking job requiring you to travel Tuesday to Saturday every other week.”
STAN LEE urges Coulson to be a better father. Simmons cries, “you made time for your work and your prostitutes!” then she walks off with an URN filled with ash and crashes into one of the enemy guards.
The ash is trackable through May’s special goggles. She is walking along the top of the train (of course) to follow the footprints. She finds the package.
Uh oh comms are down. Coulson leaves Simmons. Uh oh splitting the party even more. He makes it to the empty dining car. Ward is rushing out in a new ticket taker costume. They both jump out. The baddies throw a grenade thing at them and the train POOFS OUT OF EXISTANCE.
Okay now we see Ward back in the train… we hear the same announcement from the beginning of the previous scene with Coulson Simmons. Oh this is a flashback from Ward’s perspective. Excellent and not over-explained. I appreciate this story-telling mechanism and I enjoy it greatly. Ward has just gotten into his ticket taker costume, and he is attacked by a beautiful blonde woman. Cybertek knew they were there!
He finds Simmons and tells her to lock herself in the luggage car with Fitzskye. Baddies chase Ward down to the dining car where he finds Coulson. We see the same scene of the poofing train. They both get up off the ground like “wtf vanished train” and see May’s goggles on the ground.
How did Cybertek know? The Clairvoyant? They run to the plane as jeeps approach. Dudes with big guns jump out. Coulson Ward find a lil truck that has been hotwired. suspicious and fortuitous.
On the bus now. Signore Russo, leader of the Italian authorities originally on this case, phones in. Cybertek attacked his team at the train station.
Ward is at the HOLO TABLE to investigate the poofing grenade(So good. Amazing great perfection. Wonderful performance. Very rare humorous moment from Ward. Beautiful. The swipes. The big gestures. I did chuckle). He finds the power button. He finally finds the image of the thing he is looking into and looks satisfied with himself. Good job, Ward. Then Coulson approaches and congratulates him on finding the on button. Ward is so proud! They can’t figure out how to zoom in. I love this so good. Could watch it on a loop. Iconic moment in SHIELD history.
Ward ruins it by bringing up Mayward. Coulson says it’s against protocol so he better watch himself. “if it is really just sex, Ward, you should get more comfortable using the word”
Signore Russo walks up. But May pops up behind him and slashes him down! She is beat up. And mad.
Okay BACK IN TIME to the train announcement. It’s May’s perspective this time. She’s on top of the train being shot at. She hops off the train with a cute lil parachute. She finds Coulson and Ward PARALYZED by the side of the tracks. So that’s what the grenade did. Froze them completely so they didn’t know they were missing a chunk of time.
Signore approaches with big guys with big guns. Knocks her out. Ties her up. He addresses her with a little villain monologue. He has been making sure Cybertek products are transported without issue and Cybertek takes care of him. He stabs her in the shoulder and leaves the knife there. Dumb. She maneuvers her way to the knife and takes three(3) guys out as Russo runs. She chases him down to the Bus and takes him out as well.
May needs a shower. Okay but can’t you take like a minute to explain before the shower please? No? okay sure. They get the plane moving. Coulson helps her get stitched up. Ooohh tender moment. Close and personal. Skin exposed. Soft speech. May says they looked ridiculous while frozen. Trying to keep it light I appreciate it. Makes the moment more tender really. Ward sees the tender moment and pauses before approaching. Oooh he jealous boo?
He tells them the train suddenly stopped.
They go to there. No sign of fitzskymmons so they head to the luggage car. Simmons pops ups and starts shooting a night night gun all willy nilly. Geez simmons. She is quite confused and doesn’t know where Fitskye is.
The announcement again. Fitskye’s turn. They casually talk about 0-8-4s. This thing they are tracking doesn’t count as one because they know where it came from. Fitz says whatever this is we’ll deal with it ‘like we always do’ aw the same as he said to Simmons in the FZZT episode. Fitz says he hasn’t heard of a person being an 084, but he’d “hate to meet the guy”. Oop. Baddie busts in. shoots at them. They both fight. the guy starts up one of the blue grenades. Simmons rushes in and grabs him. Simmons and the baddie get blue-paralyzed. The grenade had a form of air-borne dendrotoxine that causes some sort of ‘black sleep.’ Clearly evolved from what SHIELD uses. They cover Simmons with a cute lil blanket and leave her with a night night gun. Aw.
They put the baddie in a crate and shoot him a couple times with night night juice “that’s for simmons.” The train stops. They see baddies moving the package off the train to a jeep. Fitskye decide to follow them on foot… to a big beautiful manor. Fitz works on disabling the vehicles while Skye goes in to get Quinn.
She goes into a dank basement room and sees Mike in a hyperbaric chamber. Quinn comes in and holds her at gunpoint, saying “the Clairvoyant told me to expect you.” [1]Oh right! Ward told Garrett so Garrett sent Quinn to SHOOT Skye! I know that, later, Ward is upset with Garrett about this part. But he didn’t stay bothered for long. Damn that’s rough He pulls Mike out of the chamber. The package from Cybertek turns out to have been a ‘gift’ for Mike. Cybertek baddie puts a metal device on his leg stump, and it turns into a mega cool robot leg. Quinn sends him out saying “you will be receiving payment shortly.” He asks if Mike would kill Skye, but Mike says, “those aren’t my orders” and walks out.
So, Quinn shoots Skye himself, saying he had his own orders! He shoots her twice! Damn, Ian, you suck hard.
The rest of the team makes it to the manor and goes in to search for Skye. Ward has a cool shot busting through the door with a gun in both hands. It looks like Mike has killed all of the baddie Cybertek guard people instead of paying them. Damn. When Coulson asks Quinn about Skye, he says “it’s dangerous to keeps sending her in all alone… when she means so much to you” Yikers this villain really knows how to deliver a threatening line. They beat him up a bit before taking him into custody.
They find Skye barely hanging on. Simmons orders them to put her into the hyperbaric chamber to lower her temperature.
On the bus, Simmons says this will keep her stable temporarily, but they need to get her to a medical facility. Simmons then goes off to a supply closet where she can let go of her composure. Fitz knows to go in after her to help her cry. Gawww
Ward punches something. Of course. May walks up and holds his hand. ooooop? He says, “she never should have gone in there alone.” But he’s not blaming himself…. (Okay I don’t fully understand this. He’s saying that it’s Coulson’s fault for not staying with her on the train? Or is he saying it’s Fitz’s fault because they were paired together? I dunno. Either way he is blaming someone…. Maybe it’s just easier to be mad that way).
After-logo stinger.
Mike is standing in some bushes watching a playground. He writes on a piece of paper “can I please see my son?” His robot eye tells him “not yet.” Aww no! We zoom in to his robot leg to see “DEATHLOK v5.01.” Ah. Deathlok is a cyborg from the comics. … we all knew that
Wait, what did T.R.A.C.K.S. stand for? okay i know…
Train is a Ruse for Actual Clairvoyant Killing Skye
yeah…
or uh…
Topnotch Robot Attachment Can Kick Stuff okay that has to be it
** Spoilery footnotes below **
Spoilers
| ↑1 | Oh right! Ward told Garrett so Garrett sent Quinn to SHOOT Skye! I know that, later, Ward is upset with Garrett about this part. But he didn’t stay bothered for long. Damn that’s rough |
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